You have to have a performance conversation - now what? 3 Key Mindset Shifts to go from Awkward to Empowering

Sooo you’ve got someone on your team who is underperforming. It sucks. I’ve been there! So many of us have - and no matter how skilled you are as a manager, these situations are unavoidable and tough. Luckily, they’re also great practice for the art of difficult conversations and the art of managing in general. Lucky you. 

Since becoming an ICF-certified coach four years ago, I’ve noticed that adopting a coaching mindset has changed a lot in my life, performance conversations included! Read on for three key mindset shifts that can take your performance conversations from awkward to empowering.

From  “Why isn’t X project going well?” to “What’s happening in your life?”

It’s easy to lead with anger and frustration. If a project isn’t going well, it’s natural to be curious about why - and to let that question be tinged with the frustration you feel. And yet… the investigative approach usually comes with judgment (you’re leading with the assessment that it’s not going well) and it puts your direct report on the defensive right away. 

Instead, ask “What’s happening in your life right now?” This is an open-ended question that comes from a place of care and curiosity, it acknowledges the human in front of you, and leaves room for explanation and understanding. When projects go off the rails, it’s usually a gap in skills, a resources problem, a difficult life event, or something else. Digging deeper allows for faster resolution with the relationship at the forefront. 

From “What do you need?” to “How can I help you move forward?”

When we’re struggling, we don’t always know what we need. And as a manager, asking “what do you need?” can open up requests you can’t fulfill and create dashed hope and unmet expectations. Especially if what they need is a major delay, a different cross-functional partner, a ton more budget, a pony… the list goes on. Instead, provide the support and create momentum with “How can I help you move forward?” That’s what’s in your control, which means faster results. 

From “What I want from you is…” to “What I want FOR you is…”

It’s a beautiful and powerful thing to feel someone wanting for you, on your behalf. As coaches, we experience this power all the time and see the progress it unlocks. As manager though, we’re often trained in the language of authority and heavy expectations. Be clear with what you need from your report, but end with an expression of support, allyship and capability. Share with your report the vision you have of them getting back on track, what you know they can accomplish, and how much you want them to succeed. Belief is a powerful motivator, so use it!

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